Don't settle down if you don't want to

This post applies to both expats and anyone else who feels called by the title.

Most expats settle down or return to their home countries. There's always doubt whether to settle down or not, as your folks are back home and you'll want to get back to see them every now and then. You might be hesitant to buy any property or even get a car in the new country you work. Especially in the first few years when you don't yet feel this is your new home. But eventually you'll start feeling like you're at home, depending on the place, your job and the people you hang around with. Once you're acclimatized, you might even meet someone and fall in love. Perhaps now is the time to settle down? If you think so, sure. And you can always stay flexible even then. But you might want to get a place to live together as opposed to renting. Which is totally fine. I don't know what percentage of expats generally decides to stay and what part returns home - or at what point these decisions are generally made. It will all depend on the individual situation. So in this post, I'll just discuss the expat who hasn't met a significant other and wants to stay flexible.

There are these people, like myself, who always want to experience freedom. No matter in what shape or form - a free afternoon with nothing to do, a flexible working schedule, a trip without any planning beforehand. These are things that independent people love. Now most expats would be quite independent - as long as they go to the country alone and not counting in the ones leaving with their family. The ones going at it alone are most likely adventurous and have an open mind. They are willing to meet new people, face at least some risk and throw themselves at this new life challenge. And many will want to keep this freedom. Because who knows when they get a new job offer and want to hop to another country? It's all so easy nowadays - as long as you keep in mind that you want to be willing to pick up and leave.

If this sounds like you, I can tell you the following out of experience and having lived in five countries. First of all, do not close yourself off to people. Could be that you don't have a relationship or don't even want any - totally fine. But do accept invitations to go for drinks and hang around with some folks. Blend in with your environment, even if you're not planning to stay long or don't want roots in this current town. Who knows what other soul you meet, and who's to say he or she is not as flexible as you are?

If you truly take your freedom and flexibility seriously - this is a matter of life for you - then keep the following in mind: No commitment. No cohabitation. No children. No matter how wonderful these might all be to some people - I'm not talking about these people now. I'm talking to the exceptions, you as a person wanting to remain as a bird hovering over the world. These three things all make you commit to the place or the person you're with or decide to bring onto this planet. And if you do it right - of course you commit to these goals. But it does tie you down more than you might want - that's why you should keep this guideline in mind.

Rent a property. Never buy. Many people will tell you you're throwing out money if you rent as opposed to buying. Not true at all - as most people don't know and are not understanding of your wish to remain independent. Make a calculation of what your rent costs per day. For me, I spend 10 EUR a day on accommodation all-in. It's a good apartment, modern and with low utility costs. It's perfect for me. You might spend a bit more and depending on your income, that's totally fine. I'd say don't have it be more than 25% of your income or if you're willing to live luxuriously, don't spend more than half your income on rent. Keep in mind that you have no other costs than just the rent and utilities. Yes, prices might go up, but if you live minimalistically you pick up and move to another apartment or if it's an unbearable inflation - to another country. Yes, it is as easy as that, as long as you keep in mind you never own more stuff than what can fit in one van. Live comfortably but don't overindulge in buying stuff. You'd be surprised how little of it you really need. And if you want to go, you'll be able to. You don't own a property - and the property doesn't own you. Feel the butterflies, get out of the place and off to a new destination.

People have themselves tied down so quickly, with consumer debt and car loans and all. There should be no need for you as a single person. Imagine the incredible liberty - you remaining as free as you were as a child but with more money and purchasing power than your peers who are settled down and save money for family expenses. Yes, it can get very hard and lonely, but you also get lonely with the wrong people around you. If you're a free man, just like I am (or woman), you'll know it from when you were a child. And don't settle down if the thought gives you goosebumps. You have more to do and to see. Don't be that guy standing on a balcony in thirty years and thinking where your life went. This is one chance and don't care what anyone says. As long as your actions don't impact anyone negatively, you are free and don't let anyone tell you you're not.

© copyright - All Rights Reserved

Difficulties of being an expat

It's never easy and it never will be. I'll be the first one to recommend anyone to go abroad for a while but I'll be the last one to say it's an easy thing to do. It can be really hard at times. And it's mostly the missing people part. Probably you'll tear up each time you say goodbye to your loved ones who just brought you to the airport. And even though that gets better, there's always this feeling that's a bit like a hangover each time you leave your family behind. And the work is probably fine, most expat jobs are well paid. Otherwise, what's even the point of leaving your country, having to miss what you're used to and above all, having to leave your family behind? The job will be the least of your concern once you're in the expat flow. You'll most likely try to make as much of the experience as possible. Finding new friends, going out, taking a rental car to the coast. Then living paycheck to paycheck. Perhaps some promotions. But as the months slip by, you'll start missing birthdays that continue back home, just without you. And it's terribly hard. You can connect through Facetime, an incredible technology. But, sorry to say, you'll never be part of the conversation as if you were around the table.

Besides, if you're single, you'll need to get comfortable with being alone. Or with going out to find company. But often, you'll find yourself alone. And there's nothing wrong with that. Because on the upside, no matter how hard it gets - the times you do speak with your loved ones back home and the times you get to embrace them when they pick you up from the airport again.. They feel so much better. Remember, like virtually every high school kid, you used to come back home, threw your bag in the corner of the living room and ran upstairs, just barely saying "hi" to your folks? This will now have completely changed. Their company, their presence, will become immeasurably more valuable to you. What is rare increases in value. Just remember that every downside has an upside, and the other way around. And do realize that what matters is your happiness. You live life for you and if you need to lose your wild hears, live out these adventures, your folks will certainly understand. And you're only ever as lonely as the next traveler or expat you meet. Life is good on the road so no matter how rough it gets, there are others on the same path. Just remember that and go live some adventure is what I would say.

© copyright - All Rights Reserved

You're competing against yourself

From the beginning of time, humans have sought after comfort in exchange for the least amount of effort. A dry and safe place to stay, while still having to hunt. That's how humanity started out. Eventually, in Mesopothamia, people got their minds together and decided there must be a better way to get food closeby without the need to run through the fields all day. So they found a way to grow rye around their settlements (11.050 BCE). Then about 2.000 years later, so-called Neolithic founder crops; emmer wheat, einkorn wheat, hulled barley, peas, lentils, bitter vetch, chick peas, and flax — were cultivated in the Levant (Source).

Interesting side fact; Levant refers to the historical region of Syria or in a wider sense the eastern Mediterranean with its islands (Source: Oxford Dictionary 2015). The word Levant got from Italian to French to the English language. In Italian, it means 'rising' because the sun rises from the east (Source: Gagarin, Michael (31 December 2009), Ancient Greece and Rome, 1, Oxford University Press, Incorporated, p. 247). The eastern Mediterranean is east from Italy so they referred to the place by this name.

Nonetheless, you can see how people started making their lives more convenient. Obviously this is how the species survived. If it weren't for our predecessors, we wouldn't be sitting in our air-conditioned offices. Just imagine that suddenly we'd need to go out and hunt, eat berries, we wouldn't have a clue and probably be dead by food poisoning from said berries or some form of incorrect preparation of food. We've become very domesticated - certainly there's people hunting but this is more so in Eastern Europe and other places around the world, as opposed to the wealthy West. We're hardly able to be alone, always needing to be surrounded by friends or family. Always having the smartphone nearby. Rarely reconnecting with nature. Instead of fighting a battle against the elements and nature, where everything can get you killed, we're now fighting a battle against ourselves. We want to feel something, we want to feel loved. We have first-world problems and depression is on the rise (Source).

What is it we can do to ease this fight? Is our life really so convenient that I need to pick other battles, just to feel that I conquer at least something? Common sense says yes, because people have been struggling for many thousands of years. And suddenly there's no real, physical struggle. The body and mind need something to do, so mental struggles are what we can focus on instead. The mind will ramble on and this can take on all sorts of forms. If one's not busy, there's room to over-think. So at least a start is getting to the gym, getting outside, lifting up heavy things and putting them back down. Our spine is designed to move. Do have a good lifting technique, is all I'm saying, and don't overdo it. But lifting weights does wonders. So does taking in the sun and going on a walk in nature. Sometimes, when I talk to acquaintances, they say they don't feel like doing anything. No more positive outlook. Just working hard, sleeping and waking up again. I am anything but a psychologist but I do have common sense, which can get one very far in life. I always recommend people to take a walk in nature. Yet none of them do it. And that's where the problem lies. Not taking the first step, which is completely within reach. They should treasure the fact they can even walk and get out there, taking in the smell of a fresh morning in the forest. But no, it's easier to stay indoors and complain. And yes, there are real mental issues, and I am not someone to criticize anyone suffering from them. But anyone who's able to get out, lift weights, get into nature, should do so when not feeling all too well.

The point is that a first step leads to a second. Once you're in the forest, no matter how much you dislike it at first, you might as well make a short hike. You might just make some pictures, and put these on your website you were planning to start ever since being a student. Then when you get home refreshed, you might as well prepare a healthy meal and being tired, think about improving your sleeping pattern. Not many people like going to the gym, but if you're there, you might as well lift some weights or get on the treadmill. Then why not talk up someone who seems new as well, and make a new friend? You can motivate each other on your new habit and who knows what else the person can bring you. See, the first step is always the most important one. If you're at least partly functional, get out there if you're not feeling well. You're not competing against anyone but yourself. Not saying that if the mental demons are too strong, this is what you should do. Then you'll have another course of action and I can only say; get some sort of help. You'll know well enough yourself if you're being lazy or are indeed suffering. But never disregard that first step because it seems like a solution that's too easy. Easy is where it starts, then gradually it develops. You might as well try.

© copyright - All Rights Reserved