Reasons to go travel alone

Traveling spontaneously

Little is more exciting making a coffee and start preparing a good trip. The good part is that you don’t need anyone’s approval to do anything at all. Once you have your paycheck, a backpack and a good pair of shoes, you’re the one deciding. It can be very liberating but to some overwhelming as well. How do you know where to go and if it would even be a successful trip? What if you get lost alone somewhere or end up in a smelly hotel room? This can and will happen if you travel enough and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve slept in hotels where I paid for cold water only as hot cost twice as much. When I got in the room, the hot water tap was simply taken off. Besides, I got lost countless of times. Finding my way always makes for interesting stories. I’ve missed many buses and ended up hitchhiking, meeting some interesting people and even got invited to stay at their place. What seems as a bad experience at first can, many times, turn into a good one in a moment. Be cautious and use common sense and in general, travel is as safe as staying in town. And, if you fail to plan well enough and miss a bus, there’s nobody to blame but yourself. You’re completely flexible and nobody’s there to disagree with any step you take. If you want to sleep early or skip a night walking around a new city, who’s there to stop you? Just yourself and your sour muscles could hold you back.

Reflecting on your life

Honestly, I’m unsure you can travel to get away from yourself. Everywhere you go, you take your past experiences and you are still the same person. If you hate yourself at home it will be worse if you get robbed in a French city, as I unfortunately experienced. However, if you manage to accept yourself without any drawbacks, no obstacle can stop you from enjoying your trip. It’s easier than it sounds, you have to accept all your flaws and past failures and at the same time reflect on what you did well.

I would say you get to know yourself during traveling. You don’t necessarily find a life purpose but you’ll be stranded or find yourself in hotel rooms alone. That’s not a bad thing, it can be a good experience. Few people are good to themselves, unfortunately. More people should be a friend to themselves instead of their own biggest critic. Instead of beating yourself up over past mistakes, when you’re alone you can reflect on these and forgive yourself for everything. You can allow your own thoughts and eventually work towards a balance. It takes a long time. To get there, just treat yourself better. It’s a choice that can be made any time. Get a manicure, yes, men can do this as well. Go out for a good haircut or visit a fancy bar. Go to the cinema alone. Just remember that nobody can treat you better than yourself. Stop caring too much about anyone’s opinion because only few people notice you. They see you but don’t know you so even if you wear hideous clothes on your trip, it doesn’t matter. Unless you’re aiming for a free upgrade on a plane, of course. Besides, who is anyone to judge how you look? As long as you travel comfortably, that’s all that matters. Have some fun with yourself and especially when you make mistakes or get lost. No matter how frustrating or lonely traveling can feel, you can only become more knowledgeable.

When you have sufficient trips under your belt, you’ll feel you’re starting to become a seasoned traveler. You’ll have your liquids ready at the security checks and your jacked neatly folded into a tray, keeping only your passport in your pocket. I once put it in a tray and it fell out inside the machine, resulting in me being scared and the staff teaching me a wise lesson. Keep it on you always. Long flights or train hauls can get tiresome but comfort yourself with the thought that you can always look for company. Once you’re on a trip with whom you thought to be a good friend but it turns out otherwise, things can get sour. It’s hard to drop a travel buddy, especially if you’re coming and planning to leave together. If you’re alone, you can test the waters and see whom you like to be around. You can roam amongst several groups of people and even split your time, tagging along with a group of guys and another week with a friendly girl you met. They can tell you about faraway countries or help you practice a language. And once you want to set off alone again, nobody will bear a grudge. The thing about traveling is that people expect you to go, these relationships are often short lived. That’s not always bad, you can share who you are and don’t have to worry that someone in your hometown will spread a silly rumor. You are free to be yourself alone and in company, how great is that! And, should you really meet someone special, it might result in a lifelong friendship. There’s really no downside to your independence.

Learning to be decisive

If you travel alone, it’s you rolling the dice. Every hotel you sleep in, every city you decide to spend time in. Each place to eat and every night you go out, you have full control over what you do. No need to ask anyone for permission. This might become a bit tiresome and the good thing is that you don’t need to decide anything alone. You can ask people from the city you’re in where you can best spend the night or have a beer. They might even list some options and you can still choose yourself. If you really got indecisive from the freedom of choice, ask anyone where they would go out if they were looking for a fun evening. Who doesn’t like to be asked for advice, after all? Eventually, you’ll learn to make the most of your trip whilst balancing a good night of sleep, or go without sleep if you go out. You’ll decide if you want to sleep on a night train or rather freshen up in a hotel. You’ll learn to value yourself more and will become more decisive. Eventually, after many days, you’ll decide in a split second if you want to stay in town or even hop to another country. You weigh the pros and cons and there’s nothing more to it. No need to negotiate, you’re alone anyway.

Unwinding mentally

There’s few people that are alone with their thoughts anymore. Remember the last time you stared outside and just sat there for a while without grabbing for a phone . These moments help your mind relax and you get to sort your thoughts. If you travel alone long enough, you might get uncomfortable and look for company. If you’re still alone, no matter what thoughts come up, you can observe them from a state of detached awareness. As thoughts come, they will also go if you don’t identify with them. They pass just like clouds and thus you sort out your thoughts, not necessarily holding onto anything and reflecting more if you want to. Your mind sorts out its thoughts at night but why wouldn’t you allow yourself to do the same during the day? If you focus on your breathing and allow yourself to be in the present moment, a dull bus ride can become a truly sensational experience. If you want some input, you can finish the book you’ve been wanting to read. You can listen to a good audio book while dozing off. You can be a complete bore and nobody will try to cheer you up, there’s no need to be ‘on’ all day. Travel is exhausting at times so it’s fine to tune down now and then. The reflective and relaxing mental states you may find yourself in, are not a technique but rather states you will keep wanting to return to. This way, after your trip, you will think back to the day when you stared from the train window to endless wheat fields and you can feel yourself calm down. Travel has a soothing effect, as long as you can deal with being alone with your thoughts and thus being uncomfortable some of the time.

Satisfying your wishes

Most people have travel plans, some have no opportunity to go. Or, it’s only once a year. Many people are holding themselves back by making other lifestyle choices, they rather spend their money in different ways. Yet, the travel itch will return to some of these people. It will not pass. Therefore, if you have this itch and have any opportunity to travel at all, go. Do not let yourself be held back by anything. The reason you think you cannot travel now, will be a ridiculous excuse in the opinion of a single mother with two kids. Reasons why you cannot travel will only grow. People settle down, develop deep relationship and acquire houses and cars. If you think back about your life in the previous year, don’t you feel you had less obligations? You probably did. Responsibilities add up as we grow older, unless you make the conscious decision to live otherwise. No definite choices have to be made, just realize that many people of old age dream of being on the move and free as a bird again. If you have a good pair of legs and the abiliy to go see a place outside your scope, don’t hesitate. Though it may seem scary, it will turn out not to be that way in most cases. Safety and rationality first, there’s nothing else that should get in your way. There’s really no need to go long and far, you can treat yourself to some time off in your own town as well. There are plenty of ways to stop selling ourselves short and enjoy some deserved quality time.

© copyright 2017 - All Rights Reserved

Klisura: One of my first trips in Bulgaria

It was late in January 2015. I zipped up my backpack with just a toothbrush and a shawl in it and left for the central station. I took the slow train to Karlovo, which proved to be a huge mistake. Bulgaria doesn’t have that many inhabitants but it surely has many train stations. We stopped everywhere, even in fields with just a pavement beside the tracks. No passengers getting off or boarding. A few hours later, we passed several long tunnels and I arrived in Klisura. A small town in Central Bulgaria. I wanted to walk to the vacation homes just outside the village and spend the night there. It was one of my first trips into the country. As the town is right beneath the mountains and the snow had started melting, the streets were full of water. My Nike shoes proved not to be water resistant and within seconds of leaving the train station, my feet were wet. The water was cold as ice and I realized how unprepared I was for this trip, even though it was just an overnight stay. As I walked towards the center, a woman who looked about 30 caught up to me. She had apparently been on the same train.

We talked and in my broken Bulgarian we agreed to have some tea in a local cafe. I had tea and she had vodka. She was from another town nearby and had come for a date, she would be spending the night in a vacation home as well. Her name was Petya and she had large earrings with dark purplish hair. She was a big woman yet attractive in a way. She kept laughing as I was with my socks on only and had put my shoes by the fireplace to dry. My socks were still spongy. She had at least three vodkas and said she would meet the guy in the same cafe. I asked the waitress if by any chance they sold shoes nearby, so I could at least enjoy the rest of my day. “No, not a chance” she said. I walked uphill and could walk across from the stream of melt water that came down from the mountains. My shoes still got wet and I was cold and tired. It was only one in the afternoon. When I got to the vacation park, I got the keys to a little house and directly put on new socks, then spent some time in the restaurant having tea. Eventually, as it was impossible to do any walking with wet shoes, I just took a hot shower and got into bed. I had exchanged numbers with Petya and she texted me that her guy was late. Eventually he would come, she thought.

I spent a couple of hours in bed, thinking about how my first winter in Bulgaria had been and how I had failed to bring some sturdy shoes. I thought about the time coming in this country and as often, I was overthinking if I’d made the right choice or not. It’s not always easy being in another country alone, it can be downright hard sometimes. It was the first time I was a bit sad but meanwhile I was cozy and comfortable. The curtains were wide open and I sat straight up in bed, looking outside the window towards the white mountains. The small heater right next to my bed was the single source of warmth in the entire home. Apart from that, there was an corner couch and a tv on the wall. There was also a scale right next to the couch. I got up and weighed myself, then directly got cold and slipped back into bed. I enjoyed the silence but felt a bit homesick as well. Eventually, I enjoyed the time spent in bed and I had to let go of the thought of always having to do something. Now that I couldn’t walk through the town or the hills, I still had to make the best of it. As the clouds passed by the window and I listened to the wind speeding past the corners of the little house, I fell into a deep sleep and woke up when it got dark. My shoes, that I’d placed by the heater, had dried up and I felt fresh to start moving again. I got dressed, locked the door behind me and walked towards the restaurant.

As I sat down and ordered a nice beer, I looked across the restaurant. Several couples, young and old. In the corner I saw the two lovebirds, Petya and her guy. I was glad he had come and I saw what looked like the start of their first kiss. When she saw me later on she winked and I nodded my head. I was the only one who was alone in the restaurant, as it was often. I was always satisfied in places alone and felt good observing and thinking. I looked into the fireplace and to the decorations on the wall. A small porcelain deer, some hunting trophies and even a gun. Because, as I said to myself, you’re only lonely if you feel that way. I enjoyed a quiet evening with good music, later some rakia and above all my dry shoes. What a joy was that.

Boyan's reflections

Boyan slowly dozed off by the fireplace. As his head dropped, he continuously shook awake again. He had drunk too much and this would disrupt his sleep. Apart from that, his night was pleasant. He had reflected on his ended marriage with Sylvia, the woman who left him for a more independent life. She had felt trapped like stuck with glue and wanted more adventure. Boyan was left with his inner voice and had days to fill, reflecting on the best parts of his life. As a pensioner, he had little to do but chop wood for the fireplace and stuck it next to the house in a neat pile. His father had taught him to master building a woodpile so he would be nice and warm through winter. “The trick is to lay the wood in the sun. If not possible, place it where it’s windy. Wind dries wood faster than the sun”, is what his dad would tell. Boyan had always loved to head into the forest but his wife Sylvia was never up for it. Exactly for that reason he didn’t understand what she went after in her current, more adventurous episode. Boyan thought she just got tired of him as he was not much of a talker. He strongly disliked discussing things as the weather or the latest gossip.

Boyan was a man of action rather than words. Spoken words do only so little. A man is no man when he makes promises but does not live up to them. Boyan wondered why Sylvia would never join him into the forest, so he could show her how to chop wood and later carve objects. Boyan looked at the wall and some artefacts he made still hang there, like nothing had changed. Boyan had wanted to burn them in the fireplace upon her leaving but he kept them to admire his own craftsmanship. Boyan was not exactly looking for another relationship, not even so much for companionship. He liked the calm mornings when he slowly sipped tea and made crossword puzzles. It was always Sylvia whom hit his newspaper whilst he held it up, she would even take a pen to cross through the puzzles he was solving. Rather annoying. “You’re such a bore. Why not cuddle in bed instead of this? Old bag!” she said jokingly. She was quite serious about it, as it turned out.

An uncomfortable feeling took over Boyan and he remembered how he never really loved Sylvia. He could imagine she felt she got the cold shoulder. From their wedding at the coast until the point she left, he had been too afraid to tell her his true feelings. He had never felt intimate with anyone and severely doubted the love for her that he vouched for at their wedding. Sylvia was a woman of traditions and permitted little space for imperfections. As the years passed, they had children, which Boyan felt forced into. Both of them thought it would bring them closer together. How Boyan had performed the act of lovemaking once more, he did not know. Boyan had always lived up to each and everyone’s expectations. As Sylvia had left, his soul cracked and Boyan felt broken for many months on end. Somehow, during his reflections, he had forgiven himself. He forgave Sylvia for leaving and himself for not being able to give her the love he had promised. Likewise, he forgave himself for being a loveless husband when their children grew up. Forced hugs and Sylvia’s wanting eyes just proved their children that something was not right. The spark had never been there, which tore Sylvia apart. She knew she had just one shot at starting the perfect family, at least so she felt.

Boyan had held his breath for at least ten seconds and let go again. These reflections did him much good but not when he was alone. When alone, the mind can turn into an enemy and start making trouble against you. It can be a friend first and at second it can quickly turn its back on you. It looks inside its every nook and finds matters to reflect on, not always positive. Fatalistic often. Every upside has a downside and still, Boyan had to live with himself and his restless mind. He had started breathing more deeply to feel more grounded, in an attempt to give his lost years a place in history. When the thoughts piled up again, he poured another glass of rakia and mumbled “cheers. Old bag that you are”. He started breathing consciously again and then, the phone rang. It was his son Artur, the only child he was still in touch with. The others either didn’t answer his calls or would pick up and make an end to it after just a few minutes. “How are you, son..” Boyan said as he exhaled. “I'm fine, thank you. I think I’m in love, dad. But I’m not sure. I think she loves me and I want to love her.. But how can I be sure I love her too?” Boyan had a sense of recognition and felt the doubt in Artur’s voice. “You’ll know it when you feel it, son. But first, you’ll have to love yourself. If you take the utmost care of you first and put yourself on place number one for a while, you’ll be able to love another soul. I know you have problems saying no but you have to ask yourself if you really want to get to know this girl. Son, you must not live up to everyone's expectation. Not your mother’s, as she could care less, and not to mine. Not to the girls’. Be the man you want yourself to be first.” “Dad, how can I be a man I want to be?”, Artur said. “I’ll tell you what I realized way too late. You pour yourself a glass, look at anything intensely, a blank wall for all I care. Then you let your thoughts race and do not interrupt them. In your silence, you’ll find answers. The right answers. If you make your unconsciousness conscious, you will not walk through life in a haze anymore. Only when you have buckets full of love for yourself, and these overflow when you take them from the well that is your mind, you can share the drink of love with another soul.” Boyan and Artur both realized that the lack of love for the self, led to the divorce. “The one expectation I do have from you, son, is that you give more love to you than I did to myself.”

© copyright 2017 - All Rights Reserved

#Shortstory