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Leon de Leeuw

6 min read

Why being a single man is just fantastic

There’s benefits to being a single man. In fact, it’s great. However, it can go two ways. Choose wisely. You choose every day, for the rest of your life, to stay on the way or divert. It’s not easy but it’s worth it in the long run. Choose the path of moving your life forward. Of becoming a better man.

How many petty issues have you let your mind worry about in the past 24 hours? You’ll probably manage to come up with quite a few. You know very well which things you should stop doing right now in order to have a more fulfilled life. Yet you don’t stop doing them. Why so? We can be self-destructive. Counter-intuitive. It shows in the way we can give other people good advice that we fail to follow ourselves. We don’t love ourselves enough, yet we know we should. And if we look close enough at ourselves, on a sunny morning and our hair is neat and shiny, and our eyes are bright and our cheeks are full, we know we should give ourselves more credit than we do.

On being single – it’s a burden to many. But realize – the grass is always greener on the other side. You might want someone to cuddle with on a rainy afternoon and there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, it can be very satisfying and it’s an asset to your life. However, you must not forego the present moment striving for a relationship that adds fulfilment to your life. You can do a lot to be fulfilled already, without spending your time on dating apps or hanging around in bars. Looking from the other side, there’s the married guy who’s slowly balding and walking around with his stroller. Yes, he loves his marriage or perhaps keeps it a secret that he wants nothing more than to be on his own again. There’s no return, at least not without a divorce or break up.

Think of yourself as a single man with a deck of good cards. You know when to fold – when you do meet the partner you always wished for. And you do know how to keep your cards, so you don’t lose the game. Keep your cards for a long time – they might come in handy. You choose the other way, you try to love yourself and work on self-care as much as you can. In the long run, it’s the most rewarding thing you can do as a single man.

You’ll need to leave the self-pity cave right now. You could live in your mom’s basement, playing games until sunrise. But look at what you’re doing through the eyes of your eighty-year old self. Would he be happy with the way you spent your finite life? Probably not much. At the point of reading this, you might be in your twenties. With means you’re a quarter dead. Yes, you’re going to die. It’s frightening, but the sooner you emphasize this to yourself, the better. Your life is going to end and there’s no way around it. Though scary it may be, know that you’re all in. It can be a relieve if you think about it long enough and get through the hard phase of accepting that you’re going to be wiped off the face of the earth. Like a grain of sand. You will be gone and even if you’d come to be very influential, over the course of time nobody will remember you. Yes, it’s terrible, but you need to realize you’re all in. We all lose in the end. So, why not make the best of it right now? Don’t you feel your knees shaking now, when you just wasted hours browsing on Facebook? If you’d die tomorrow, would you be doing the same things you did today?

We keep postponing and thinking about small stuff that doesn’t matter in the long run. Your eighty-year old self will have regrets. Minimize the regrets while you can. You’re most likely healthy. You can see, hear, walk and talk. If you concentrate, you can feel the energy moving through your body. And how often do you do that? Are you ever in the present moment? It’s unlikely, unless you practice doing so. You must start. On your dying bed, you’ll look back onto yourself when you were this age. Whether you were single or not, it doesn’t matter in the end. You can be just as proud of a successful relationship as a phase of personal development you went through. It comes down to the big picture, on whether you found purpose in your daily life. In whether you got out of your comfort zone. Stop caring about other people’s opinions. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single. There’s nothing wrong with being alone. These people are terrified of ending up alone, of dying alone. What they say – what they think – has nothing to do with you. People are stuck up with themselves and some people cannot stand the fact that you’re free. Especially once you start achieving good stuff for yourself. It’s the bucket with crabs, some people will try to pull you back down in. Stand strong alone. Surround yourself with the people that support you. There are so many great people out there. Do not feel weak when you tell someone you’re single. You have no reason to feel sad when you say you spent your weekend alone. You should not feel guilty even for being a virgin. In fact, it’s beautiful. You waited and you’ll keep waiting, meanwhile making the most of what is now.

You can do anything with this moment. Cherish your health. One day, you’ll be old and will look back on the carefree days. When you could run down the stairs, into the sunshine. That moment is now. This is who you are right now. Walk outside, into the sun, feel the heat on your skin. In sixty years, you would do anything to go back to this moment. You’ll long for it like nothing else on earth. Enjoy a good fruit juice and do nothing else during that time. Focus on the juice. Focus on your coffee and cherish the moment – know how good you have it. There’s literally millions of men, single or married – that would kill to be in your place right now. Yet you’re feeling bad about being single. About being alone. It doesn’t matter.

You can do anything with this moment. You can learn literally anything. At no moment in human history has knowledge been at your fingertips. Yet you’re on instagram, looking at pictures of bikini models. Stop doing it. Go do an online course. Learn about a new subject. Stop using that phone. It eats away your precious life. It makes you a dull person and it curves your back. Stand straight, breathe in the air and think of what you’re going to learn about today. On this day, that you don’t have to be with a partner’s friends or parents you secretly dislike. Or walk in some mall looking for a pair of boots you could care less about. This is your moment to improve as a man and you have all possibilities. You’d be crazy if you don’t use them. There’s so many things to learn – you have no excuse to be bored. Ever. The choice is debilitating, but start somewhere. Start with STEM-subjects. Learn science or that new language. Start finding out what you like. It might be something you never expected, such as soil science, fixing cars or even plumbing. Skill up. Learn trades. Go with masters and see what they do.

You save money and above all time when you’re single. Spend it on you, just you. Don’t spend it on dates. The best dates can be completely free. If you’re in good company, a walk around the lake feels like a flight amidst the stars. Don’t be pressured into buying expensive drinks and building up credit card debt. You’ll hate yourself for it in ten years. Learn the subject. Whether it’s silly or not, it doesn’t matter. Learn a subject for one hour. If you focus on learning something for an hour, you’ll know more about it than 95% of the people.

Go do meditation. Look up how to do it. You might grow to like it and do it every morning. Take notes in a book. Look back in ten years and laugh about what you wrote down. Go work out. Your body is all you have. Don’t let it degrade. Ever. How good would you feel when you’re thirty-five being in better shape than when you were twenty-five? You’ll love yourself for it. But it takes effort. Don’t forget you’re all in. Push yourself, as hard as you can. Above all, remember that if you do today what someone else doesn’t, tomorrow you can do what someone else can’t. It’s not about competition, you only compete with yourself. As a single man, you have no excuse not to improve every day. If you don’t, assess what went wrong. You have the time for it. Make each day better than the last one. Leave the earth better than you found it. Affect people in a positive way. It’s all that matters – and while you’re doing what you like, you’ll beam with confidence. You might even find someone you fall in love with. But always remember, being single is just pretty, pretty fantastic! Love yourself for it, and do so starting from today.

Leon de Leeuw

4 min read

Don't let debt catch you

What is considered to be 'good debt'? Financial clutter is all around us. We can take out loans. Take out all sorts of insurance to the point of overinsuring ourselves. Advertising pulls our attention away from the things that matter most. Credit cards are used to buy pairs of shoes we don't need. The interest rates are high and yet we keep using the card. People have a lot of stuff. It's collected through their lifetimes and sometimes, they go deep into debt to get it. However, is there such a thing as good debt? You can divide all things into 'need', 'want' and 'like'. Use this division before buying anything, even more so if you're about to go into debt for your purchase. Then don't trick yourself into thinking you need something you actually don't. Three pairs of shoes should really be enough and with some repair, shoes can last for years. You get creative when saving money.

Most people will agree that going into debt to buy things you don't need results in 'bad debt'. It surely is. To give an example, should purchasing a house be good debt? You do end up owning a place instead of just renting? Keep in mind that a property is not yours until the mortgage is paid off. It can be claimed by your bank and you'd have nothing left. If the property is eventually paid off, it's yours. Is the actual terrain yours though? Who says the house you own can't be broken down for a new highway, which is planned to run through your backyard? Your asset can both increase and decrease in value. You have a lot of influence over increasing it, such as by installing good kitchen equipment, maintaining the roof and giving the window frames a fresh layer of paint every once in a while.

The decrease of value is something you can do little about. A highway, not in your backyard but just a kilometre away, can significantly disrupt the quietness of your area. It can affect your quality of sleep and so the overall value of your house would go down a bit. Noisy neighbours, lots of time in maintaining the garden and what about all the taxes you pay over the thing you thought you'd own? Property taxes are no joke, depending on the country you live. You even pay for the waste water, just as for the municipality you live in. Taxes make sure we all live in a safe and comfortable area. It keeps structure in society. Yet with all the costs that eventually run up higher than expected, it can feel overwhelming to the point that the house ends up owning you.

It's likely the biggest debt you'll ever take on. You get rid of your college debt, then take on the next one, and the next. A credit card, a car, a house. Debt upon debt. You'll spend hundreds of thousands just to follow the trail millions of others walked before you.

Still, people rarely stop and question the choices they made. They deprive themselves of free time, divided from the family they say they love. Endless workweeks and they don't even enjoy the homes they own anymore. And what's the outcome? You're in debt, not only in terms of money but debt to yourself. Enslaved by yourself. Building up a sleep debt. Sleeping less and less builds up over time, just like the interest rates.

Work takes the largest chunk of your day. You'll be home when the sun sets but to exhausted to actually enjoy yourself. Slowly, the debt you went into turns into that nightmare you wish you wouldn't have each night. You'll lie wide awake in bed at night, looking at the ceiling of the home you own. It now feels like a cage, with years more to pay off the pile of bricks. You made your memories there, the children had their birthdays and their first baths. You wouldn't leave now. It would hurt too much. The place is renovated and you think its value must have increased. One day, you'll sell for twice the profit. The sacrifice you made, working and giving up on exercise, good food and eventually your health, are conveniently overlooked. You feel like you do your family a favor, giving up your health for them. But who can look up to a man that sacrifices himself to the point that he turns unhealthy? What sort of image is that? A respectable man takes care of himself as much as his family.

What are your values? Taking one more debt to provide a carefree childhood for the kids? Rightly so, they deserve it. Yet, couldn't it have been done without debt, or with less debt? As your career took off and you made more money, your spendings increased. You overworked yourself into the little hours to make a promotion and so you did, to make sure the kids could get a good education. To make one more down payment on the house. You think these are good debts, you make sure to convince yourself they are. You forget about the fact that you spent tens of thousands for a college degree you never used when you got into the real world, yet you're about to put your kids through the same. More so-called good debt.

By the time you retire, the house will be paid off. No more debt, you say, and time for your pension. You now own your home, which is way too big because the kids moved out. You'll have a harder time maintaining the garden and eventually it gets overgrown. Or, you pay more to have it maintained. To renovate the house you said you'd own. Yet, do you really own it or are you in a very comfortable cage? Was it all good debt, if you're indebted to your dreams now? Your dream of sailing around the world? Perhaps there is no good debt.

Better start small, rent a place, don't buy what you can't pay for on the spot. Or, don't borrow money you can't pay back in a foreseeable time. There's no reason to retire poor. There's zero reason to live in debt, especially in debt to yourself. To your dreams, your sleep, your longing to see the world. Don't buy what you can't afford and don't borrow what you can't pay back. Said so often yet done too little.

Leon de Leeuw

6 min read

Hiking trails in Bulgaria - What makes it the thing I love most?

More travel stories about Bulgaria

Ever since I came to Bulgaria, I’ve been exploring its trails. There are many leading into the hills and onto steep mountains. All over the country I stumbled upon trails, some marked but many more with no signs whatsoever. When you come to think of it – and most people rarely do – trails are fascinating. For me personally, the marked as well as the unmarked. Yet, the unmarked trails give an even bigger sense of adventure. Bulgaria is a country of adventure, especially when you truly dive into it. If you have the time and are up for some adventure, you have no idea where you’ll end up. Take up a random trail and it will surely guide you past some interesting places.

Each trail was made with a purpose. It leads someplace. It could be a home, maybe a forest, or a mountain top. It could be developed just for hiking purposes, or to transport goods from one place to another. Maybe it was made by big animals, such as wild horses, that made their way to a field with fresh grass. When we are in nature, especially when feeling disoriented, the trail is actually all we have. Sure, we could navigate by determining a direction from the sun, but that would be all. The trail is your certainty in this case. You know that other people have walked it – even though nobody’s there now. You see traces of animals having walked here, maybe even fresh traces.

Trails move over time. No matter the purpose the trail serves, it tends to move. Trails made by humans get followed by animals as well, in a densely forested area, and why would they bother struggling past branches and leaves? So, animals and humans on one trail. We all want the quickest way for the least effort. So, we make shortcuts. And, unless the builder of a trail maintains its direction, the shortcut can actually become the new trail. The old, longer path can even become overgrown. It’s how trails evolve over time, they even tend to become straighter because of such shortcuts.

Hiking mountain trails or through valleys, there’s something intriguing about trails. They are what you hold onto – just try for yourself how you feel if you get off the trail. You’d be on high alert, no idea where you are exactly. You have no more path to follow, suddenly you could go any direction without even knowing if you’d get home by the end of the day. A trail at least allows you to turn around and walk back. So, you’d be relieved once you’d be back on the trail. What few people think about is that trails are actually maintained. At least the hiking trails for tourists. If there’d be no other people or animals, the trail would fade away over the years. The trails are everyone’s property and us walking there all carry the responsibility to keep the trail cultivated and, above all, keep it clean. It’s not necessarily bad to create a shortcut, it often just happens because of people’s curiosity. If they see a nice hilltop not too far away, people would cross bushes to get there. Then others follow, and eventually, a new path is formed.

Actual developed trails for tourists are made with this in mind. They should already pass these places, otherwise people will go there themselves. And it can lead to unsafe situations, especially in the case of heights or presence of water. When a trail leads to such places initially and is cultivated, at least safety measures can be taken. And even though each hiker carries responsibility for personal safety and safety of others, people’s curiosity tends to take over now and then. A good trail allows for adventure and is above all safe.

The Bulgarian trails are quite varied. Bulgaria has all kinds of landscapes. I mostly go on unmarked trails, because of the extra sense of adventure I get. I mostly stay on these trails and the goal is to get back home by the end of the day, or at least in some mountain hut if I plan to stay the night. Either way, I have a daypack so that I could spend the night even if I didn’t plan to. I prefer to stay on new trails I haven’t been to and am not a big fan of hiking all the way back, just to get to the same place. If I can make a nice round trip or get to another place and back home with transport possibilities, I am most satisfied with my hike. Yet, I try to keep my desires at lowest. As I am in nature just to appreciate the way it is, even if a trail is muddy or there’s trees fallen over it. It’s all part of one being you find yourself in, a small bird is just as much part of the landscape as a large pool of water you have to cross. Why not appreciate both the way they are, everything unfolding around you seems to be in harmony if you walk long enough.. The good thing about hiking is that you really slow down. People should do it more. If you wizz by in a car, you’ve seen nothing of the forest you just passed. You haven’t seen the bees, you haven’t heard the birds sing and you know nothing of the place you could have chosen to spend some time at.

If you hike, you become part of the landscape. You are back in nature, like we all at one point were. Nowadays, we are in nature very little. Especially when we live in cities. We forget what it’s like to be surrounded by nature and to be lost in thoughts on a good hike, preferably alone. It gives time to reflect on one’s life and the surroundings. It is, for me, the most relaxing thing I can do. Nothing quite soothes the mind as a good hike does. The longest I’ve been is a couple of days and I can only think of how good it is to go for weeks on end.

Hiking on trails has not always been a leisure activity. At one point, before we had cars and trains, people walked there to get water or to get to places. Walking on trails was not considered to be a thing to do for fun – at least not for the majority of people. But it has certainly become so. People nowadays go hike for the experience itself, not necessarily because they must be at a certain place. Transport has allowed us to do so, first of all we get to the starting point. Then, if we turn out at another place, we can take a train back or have someone pick us up by car. It’s become so easy – and this allowed us to get out and take long hikes. Ironically, cars help us undetake hikes yet they also drive us away from cities. We get tired of the noise and sick of the air pollution and exactly because of busy traffic, we feel so much better in nature. Yet it’s cars and other forms of transport that allow us to a starting point in the first place. Unless you’re so fortunate to live in a place like Bulgaria, where nature is at everyone’s doorstep. It’s a wealth we should all treasure. Just like we should wonder about trails – how old could they be and how many people would have passed? How has the trail evolved over the years? Was it developed for transportation of goods or are there people living along the trail?

In Bulgaria, many trails lead to little villages or solitary houses. These trails are often unmarked and unpaved so you can see how people lived hundreds of years ago. Some of these houses are now abandoned and if you pass them, you feel as if you’ve been thrown back into time. The houses that are still inhabited are interesting as well, as you can see how people adapt to their natural surroundings. Humans are very adaptive beings and if they are dropped in nature, their instincts still work as they did tens of thousands of years ago. It’s why you see a snake instead of a branch in a split second reaction, only to see it’s indeed just a wooden branch. It’s fascinating to be in nature and especially on trails, heading for adventure. We should get out more as nature is our home and trails are there for us to explore it all. Whether they are marked or unmarked, adventure is calling and we should do ourselves a favour and get back to our natural surroundings more often. It will calm the mind and the soul, we just have to go.